just sittin round, buttoning, listening to iron & wine. velly, velly soothing…soaking in foam earlier, I was thinking of all thos silly bu gs I have in my head. and how other manage to do them and not worry and consider them soooo tedious! I keep making the same resolutions over and over again, of just being my normal self around people, so that I don’t get a dry mouth, sore eyes, sweaty palms and inhibited spirit anymore. how exactly I will manage that has not yet been quite figured out cuz it hasn’t actually been tried yet. I’m still proud of myself for not worrying too much, especially bout the things I don’t already like. The hard part remains what I’m supposed to do with the ones I do like, love! need to wake early 2morrow, but I’m glowering over the perspective of blueberry, honey sweetened tea and sponge cake. see, it doesn’t take much to make me smile…the second part of the day though…hmm…can’t say it makes my heart jump. some school me not likes….and an overwhelming city, just not my style. good for visiting, often even, doin loads of stuff but not perpetually! and not home material. I’d rather clean up on aisle 5 in my own sapins’ surrounded placid town-I’m already giving it a bit 2much credit, but hey! the past times, which now seem the loveliest I could ask for, took place within this very frame. That’s where my face is gleeing from. this whole debitation is most of all a masked fear or smth. that is, if I could actually worry! haha. nah, really, now, I feel kinda tied to people and certain obligations and rules, not necessarily in a bad way but what I mean is that…left alone, I think I’d just take all sorts of decisions, quite trenchant ones that would just take my arms north and south, and my legs west and east. or it would just result in a jumble, with no outcome, no paper to pin to the wall. everything we have we’ve invented anyway. we invented cool and nice and worthy and beautiful and evthing. so, it shouldn’t really make a difference after all. alas! I am moody and have no idea what the next 5 minuted will bring my brain to. so…what was the point of inventing all this? hey…I’m a genius then! (like evone else as a matter of fact). we just keep inventing and creating and renewing and rethinkin the old…we’re just so darn special! wow, I’m amazed.