the traP

This morning I had to pee in a test-tube. In a short-while Margo will take it to the lab and everyone will see it. This is so humiliating! Proof that I’m not yet in complete control of my life cuz I would not have accepted that. and the day’s just getting started. I wish I could stick around the ole crib a while longer. there are things that require handling and I just don’t wanna!!

flip ‘em when they’re fluffy!

one: take 3 eggs, some flour and milk and mix em…u got a liquido, creamy thing for…pancakes i thought. u got ur super cool iceland made fryin pan, no oil needed.  despite the uneven distribution of the mixture, so that ur round wannabee pancakes come out with claws…they’re also kinda thick and somehow concentrated. so number 2: u gotta take 3 more eggs, more flower, more milk…so that u can at least come up with 6 sorta round lil buggers-i mean pancakes. in the end…u got those 6 mildly familiar ones, plus some trapeze, tormented forms…eh..it’s the taste that matters right? plus, I thought I was all so cool cuz I added some rum essence all on my own. so, the judge comes home, horrors a bit at the 6 eggs I used and passes the sentence of failure to have added water! mineral water to be preffered to make them fluffy! damnit! I had forgotten about the fluffiness! why did I even bother?? so, my pancake losers!! ended up in a sorta pudding-suffle with layers of cheese and cream and eggs on em. it grew nice in the oven, like a high sphere, but deflated right back…and indeed there were so many eggs in there, I think I’ll be breathing feathers for at least a week! here it is…yet another successful chronicle of my personal cucina…and I’m still holding to my become pastry-chef dream!

whErE in thE world is oSamA bin lAdEn?

Ok, this is just too radical! Hahaha! Some people just have all the fun while risking their necks and getting a good tan. Im already thinkin who we can go after ourselves. Maybe Ceausescu or smth, somewhere in Bali…thru an open door…and u say this cream is a good moisturizer? Do u know where Nicu is? >/:-? Anyhoo…cant wait!  

lines from other days

Just seeing these small, second-ridden things makes me enwrap the futility of it all. Take a tiny example-all those plates and pans and cutlery items. U drop them, u break them, u use them and have to wash them. If u have 5 cups or smth, why not use all 5 to crack the egg and separate it. And then, there’s so much time wasted, and nerves and deception…with life and with self. The question’s ticking in there: was this all I was meant to do? Cook a meal everyday, wash all these plates again and again…get back in bed and watch others get out of their homes, to whatever use that happens. Me…as a crumpled spectator, moving within a mere 10 square metre surface, hours vanishing like crazy when I ponder at their slowness. Here I am, identical, 5 years later. I didn’t take that trip to Machu-Pichu. I didn’t cross Europe by train. I didn’t try another major in something I thought I’d like. Heck, I didn’t even bother to go buy the newspaper and revisit the old swings on the boulevard. By the end of each sentence, 5 more years pass, in a swirl of foggy unawareness. So many similar moments, sensations and locations have rendered all my breathing buds stale. At times, it feels as if I’m a mere slim, undulated stalk, like a delicate plant. But that’s not the complete picture of it. So, I’m this linear tracing, all muffled up in layers upon layers of wrinkled, faded, essence-emptied bark. And this keeps peeling off, most painfully in times of uselessness as these; and such aches embrace me that I no longer wish to stare my element in the eye. I only wish to close mine and sail to fairer planes, where I am a strong, richly coloured and endowed bark, merry and alive! When I wake up, I sink into a grey, heavy doze. And from that on, I wake up even harder and more tired than ever.