Ooookie dokie…ze rock of Gibraltar that I am…is being pounded by waves and slowly shrinking under their guise. Human terms- I’m kinda fallin’ apart here. I’m already freaking out bout my leaving to…u know. What brings me down the most is…surprisingly- reading blogs! the blogs of people who have been there, have lived it all and are..basically teaching me or at least providing some indispensable, otherwise unobtainable info! But the more I read, the more annoyed, scared, bitter I get. My gosh, these people really got their shit together and made it in a very different place. Crossed frontiers of language (less important), culture (also small importance) aaand…social ones!- Ha! essential!! This is one thing I’m really melting down for. I don’t know anybody! I don’t have any chat buddies or possibly friends of friends connections- nothin’!
I’m so desperate, I’ve started going on chat sites, seeking out people and although it explicitly says the site is for making friends who want to practice languages together I’m still not lucking out! nobody wants to get in touch with me 
(which I totally expected!). I dunno…the whole idea’s strange to me anyway, cuz the chat friendship with strangers is embedded in my mind as the dubious, slimy network MIRC that used to disrupt our long lost teenager years 
. Even so…I’m hoping for anybody, any weird stalker kind of person, but at least be Korean and live in Seoul so I can ask a couple of questions. Ok, I’m overdoin’ it now…These are thoughts taken to extremes, to amuse and whatnot…
However…not 15 min ago I was freaking out about luggage…Oh, I need to take that backpack, yeah…but u can’t have smth unlocked (Damn, I think the suitcase doesn’t lock either), so I’ll wrap it in plastic, yeah..whew…fudge! but what do I cut the plastic with? Cutter..yeah, but I’m not allowed cutters. In the suitcase, dummy. oh yeah…but do i wanna stop in the middle of the road, open the whole suitcase just to get out an itsy bitsy cutter? Oh yes, it might seem like small rambling but to me..it’s a super big stress factor. Yes, the damn plastic cover plus cutter issue! Yippee, didn’t have this on my mind yesterday, no…keep addin’ to the pile. At this rate, I’m..gonna sprout white patches!
Hmm..I guess my bro’ bought me the tickets today. More expensive than I expected, oh well..Goin’ thru Paris (with Tarom (( I have issues with this too). Was just talking to my dad, I managed to scare him a bit too. I’m just kinda burstin’ the complaints here cuz they’re too many to hold in! “Will you be able to handle it?”- I don’t know, dad, I’ve never handled anything in my life on my own, I’m a whining baby who leeches on others!!! Do YOU think I can handle it? AAAh…”Cuz…I might have to come with you if u think u can’t handle it”. Oh my God, how lame would that be for me? I mean how much of a weakling am I??? I’ll tell ya- a humongous one! cuz for the tiniest moment, that idea seemed aaaah, ever so tranquilizing. But no!!! I need to do this! I need to hit the wall and experience the bumps!
Next on the agenda…I don’t like carrying hang luggage ( How am I gonna go up the stairs? How am I gonna slide among people? How am I gonna fit in the subway? How am I gonna drag it anywhere? Starting to annoy u yet? will be back!
One Comment
Dude, we seriously haaave to talk! I mean, it’s normal to freak out, but don’t get panicked before there’s even the slightest reason to be panicked.
Then again, I didn’t panic, I was all chipper and happy to be leaving and I had a meltdown there, so maybe you freaking out now is a good sight. Maybe you’ll have gotten rid of the tension before you leave. I sure hope this is the case.